More flipping birds .. or other people's road rage

Below are verbatim postings from "My Hood and Your Bumper" off of Craig's List (in chronological order). As part of my efforts to document the vagaries of people's lives in Arizona (is that my purpose?), I stumbled on these under the Missed Connections section. Reading them over, I now wonder when trucks harass small cars, is this a form of flirtation? Do cars make passes at each other? Is road rage a foil for thwarted desires? And are people reduced to this kind of suicidal signalling of interest because of the car anomie in which we live? I would point out that when the truck driver finally responds, he envisions himself both creating car carnage and then emerging as a saviour in the end.

(1) MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-20, 4:04PM MST
well aren't you enticing? you're so MASCULINE, aren't you? you have a HUGE...truck. it's a gigantic lifted monument to your virility that would put all other trucks to shame. and when you're five feet above everyone else, you're pretty much safe from collisions so you didn't bother to learn how to drive. which is probably why, in an effort to get my attention (me in my little gray four door sedan with stock tires), you turned right in front of me.

now, i really must admire your thundering testament to testosterone. because if your giant monolith of a truck hadn't been so darned enormous, i don't think i ever would have seen it. so thank you for driving on tires the size of small houses. if it hadn't been for those, i never would have seen you turn in front of me while i was going 50 miles an hour westbound on saint mary's.

i'll bet that the tires aren't the only *big* things in that truck. i'd wager that the gas pedal is damned near impossible to push down on account of it being so incredibly massive. that would explain why, after turning in front of me, you slowly but surely accelerated to 35 miles an hour and stayed there. but hey, what drivers need to speed past when *you're* there to look at? so just like you wanted, i slammed on my brakes to match your snail's pace and got a nice long look at your lucious tailgate.

this missed connection that i lament was between your bumper and the hood of my car--and the cop that surely would have come to give me a ticket. how romantic that would have been; seeing my car all crumpled and smoking, your rear bumper would probably not have a scratch on it, and the cop would dutifully hand me a citation for "failure to maintain the distance between my vehicle and that of the one in front of me." and we mustn't forget the missed connection between my insurance company and yours. doubtless i would have caused you chronic whiplash, back pain, emotional distress, and the inconvenience of being late to no where. and myself and the tow truck....AND between myself and considerable debt...

well, sir, i don't know how our lives would have been different if we had met. maybe i would have found out if your truck's colossal size was compensating for something or not. it's just so enticing to fantasize about! please, if you're reading this, meet me again out there on the road somewhere. i know you may not recognize me so just do your best to turn in front of someone everytime you get the chance and maybe, just maybe, it'll actually be me again. i'll be sure and ignore my brakes and thrust right into your backside ever so coquettishly. i'm sluch a flirt! or maybe i'll just lay on the horn to get your attention. i do so love playing hard to get!

(2) Re: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-21, 3:12PM MST
I've been stuck behind that jackass before, on St. Mary's. I recognize the passion with which the post was written. He's usually on his cell phone too, talking to other similarly endowed phallic driving epitomies of evolution, no doubt.

But then I smile, thinking of him paying to fill that monstrosity at $3 a gallon. Karma be thy mistress.

(3) RE: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-22, 12:12AM MST
You rock.

(4) RE: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21 - 32
Date: 2006-07-22, 4:12AM MST
now you know how i feel out on my bike, to us on bikes you lil four door cars are just as dangerous, the complete idiotic bs i see on the road every day makes me fear for my life every yime i ride.

i have been in an accident because some jack ass with a 3ft bong in his back seat refused to check his mirror when changing lanes he said " sorry dude i was in a hurry to get to my moms house to get drunk".
and he wasn't even on the phone or reading, trying to eat a damn taco, putting on make up or any of the other crap it seems everyone else on the road does. so to you all who has never thought of it till now .. WELCOME TO THE SHITTY ROADS OF TUCSON. and please remember to look around for bikes. and before you you bitch about our loud exhaust... listen for it.. when you hear it .. LOOK FOR US!!! thank you

p.s. i see more and more women riding everyday ... love the harley mommas

(5) RE: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-25, 1:59PM MST
I just wanted to applaud that girl for speaking out, I would have followed him and raised some hell. if he would have hit you, there would have been a good legal battle and most likely you would win. visibility in those things isn't very good, especially when you're in a much smaller car. there are motorcycles and bicyclists out on the road all the time and they're even harder to see in a truck that big. I've been almost hit on a bike before, it's not fun i sympathise! Don't get me wrong I'm a big truck fan, but have some f***ing curtosy, the road wasn't paved for just you (ass in the truck). Learn to drive it before you buy it. Next time let him hit you, if he can afford a truck like that and the gas to put in it he can afford to pay for all costs.

(6) e:RE: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-25, 8:18PM MST
Do not let that truck hit you or vice-versa. Too risky. Matter of fact, it's also too risky to be doing 50 MPH on St. Marys, eh?

(7) re:RE: MC: my hood and your bumper. w4m. - 21
Date: 2006-07-25, 9:30PM MST
do you sit on a train track as the train is headed for you? then why do you sit in my blind spot, matching my speed for miles on end, then bitch when i cut you off. you all want respect on the road? then give some up to the big truck as well. quit racing in and out of traffic and trying to play leap frog...... or keep doing it! sit in my blind spot, try and race around me. your gonna be the spot on the road, not me! as im helping you out of your smashed up geo metro on st marys, im gonna be telling you i told you so.